My Babies!

My Babies!
One, two, three reasons to follow the Lord!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

David Crowder Band Rocks!

We had an awesome time at the Crowder concert! We were on the 3rd row in the center, which was the closest we could have possible gotten. The first 2 rows were reserved for VIP's. We have seen them twice before and they always put on the best show. I took a pic of Crowder and send it to my friend Lauren. It was great! They were at Ichthus a couple of years ago, so I have some pretty awesome pictures of them (because we were on the front row... are you seeing a pattern here? LOL!). I made some of the best ones into a cool collage. I took it to the concert and got them to sign it for me. I'm going to hang it up in Charlie's studio. It's going to be awesome!

Keep praying for us as we seek to find our home church. Pray specific! That's one thing I learned from Anne (yes.. we are on a first name basis. HA!) that has changed my total approach to my King. I am praying for a quick confirmation. I want to get settled. I want to put my tithes to kingdom work instead of having them sit in our bank account. I want to plug in, dig in, and make a difference. I'm praying for swiftness of answer.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please send us the confirmation we need to know exactly which church we are to serve and work at. Show us your will and path quickly Father for we have so much that needs to be done and given to your house.
Thank you for answering so many difficult prayers of late, so I know and believe this will be answered too.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

God is SO Good!

My husband is coming home tomorrow. He will be home in time for us to go to the David Crowder Band concert together!(all may now moan in jealousy..LOL!) All the stars that needed to line up and even more than we thought came together! God took care of it all. My dearest love has a "spring" to his voice today and a lightness of the heart. I'm so blessed and joyful!

Today is another wonderful day. Sunny, perfect temp..a slight breeze moving the trees and swaying the curtains. Can you tell this is my most favorite time of year? Ha! I LOVE Christmas, but once it's over I'm ready for warm weather again. I'm not a cold weather kind of gal at all. 75 degrees and up and I'm great! Heat doesn't bother me, but the cold sure does.

So.. where am I in my wilderness? I just finished my Magnificent Obsession and I feel like I've left an old friend behind. I received so much from that book! I grew, learned more, and felt more than probably any study I have done. I know I was meant to read that book. Almost every page spoke to me. I was challenged, enticed, intrigued, uplifted, inspired.. I was changed! It told me to keep on walking, even when I don't know where I'm going. The words challenged me to really dive into God and who He is, what He is about, His plan for me and how to find His will for my life. But what I took away the most, was prayer. To offer up my heart daily, but then be still and listen to the Father's desires for all his children. Learn what is breaking His heart, pray for that need, and pray for guidance in aiding with that need in a real, tangible way. Being specific when I pray to really seek God's will. I have a couple of testimonies about that, but I must wait on God's timing to release them. But let me just say, they have totally changed how I approach His throne and my whole thought process behind my communication with my Father. So, I'm still here.. walking in my wilderness, but I don't feel lonely or lost anymore. I'm learning and growing so much! Which is what I know I need to do right now, so when it is my time... I will be ready to do the Lord's work to the fullest! I'm very excited and anticipating my assignment. My prayer is to complete it to all of God's glory.

Beth Moore has a new book out called "So Long Insecurity". This will be my next study. I LOVE Beth and she's always such an awesome teacher. I struggle (not as bad as I used to, but it's still there) with insecurity. I think a lot of women in general do, so when I saw it I knew it was for me! You see.. I have two BEAUTIFUL daughters coming up behind me. Walking, watching and learning. My Shai is turning into the most lovely lady and I couldn't be more proud, but if I still struggle with the enemy getting to me with insecurity, how can I teach and mold my daughters to live without it? God has already helped me to overcome so much of it and I praise the heavens for it! So I felt when I saw the book, this will seal the deal. This will really equip me to squash that old serpent when he rears his ugly head trying to make me feel less than the bride of Christ I am! Yes AMEN!

On I go, with sandy toes and a great tan. This will be worth the journey, for my reward is a closeness and newness with Christ. Let the angel choir sing Glory to God.. Forever!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Dearest Love

I'm standing in the kitchen, supper is simmering on the stove, the windows are open and the air outside is fresh. My daughters are being sweet and polite to each other and my baby boy is crawling around with just a tee shirt and a diaper. Spring is in the air and I love it!

But there is one, several hundred miles away, who is on my mind and in my heart. He is working, feverishly, to get a job done. He is tired, frustrated and his soul is worn down. Today has not been a fresh spring day for him. Today has been long, hard and confusing. He is beat down and the end of the tunnel seems completely out of sight. Everything is hinging on tomorrow and the many stars that need to line up. The stars that God holds in his hand. So... My Dearest Love, if you are not too tired to read this, this prayer is for you.

Dear Father,
Please be with my dearest love in this world. You know our heart's desire and the reason he needs to be home in time. I am praying for a goodnight rest, peace, and reassurance for his mind, body, and soul. I am earnestly praying that everything will work out tomorrow, so he may come home in time. I am believing he will be here. Show him favor tomorrow Lord and line up all those stars.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Just jump

So.. I had a moment of inspiration that the Lord gave me today and I wanted to share it with you. I already shared these words with a dear one back home.. I hope they touch your heart..

Sometimes being a christian can feel like you're standing on the high dive for the first time. Looking down over the side, past your feet into the water that seems a million miles away. Your heart pounds so furiously inside your chest that you think it will surly burst right open. Everyone is watching, waiting to see what you will do. People behind you are counting on you to move, so they can have their turn. But your stomach is in knots and your feet feel like lead balloons. It's really quite simple. All you have to do is jump. You've made it this far. You climbed the stairs, overcoming the urge to head back down with each step up. You walked down that board alone, showing all your friends and the strangers you have the courage it takes to tackle the challenge....even as every nerve in your body is shaking. As you look down, knowing you can't back out now.. too much is at stake, you wonder how long it will take to reach the bottom? What will it feel like when you touch the water? What will you look like when you hit? People are calling, yelling, screaming, hollering. You can't think above the noise and the fear gripping your heart. So, you close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump. Suddenly you are falling, with the sounds of chaos drowning in the background. The next few seconds, all is still and the only thing you feel is your beating heart. Then, the impact comes.. a sudden jolt and your submerged in water. Down you sink and suddenly you wonder how long it will take to be able to breath? As you lift your arms up, reaching for the sky you know is there, the weight from the strength of your arms is much greater then the water surrounding you. You begin to rise. Suddenly.. the light shines so brightly in your face your eyes crinkle at the edges. You breath the air so deeply, rushing the life saving fuel into your lungs. You feel electrified, charged, like never before! The fear that gripped you so tightly before, melts away and vanishes into the murky darkness of the bottom of the water, never to be seen again. You smile from ear to ear, laugh, completely giddy and overwhelmed with joy. That was amazing! And you wonder to yourself.. Why was I so scared? What took me so long to jump? Because when it was all over you felt more alive then you ever have in your life. And after that first jump... you can NEVER get enough....

Love you all!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The blood of Christ thicker than the blood of family

It has been awhile since my last entry. It has been a little crazy for the past week and a half! Of course we went home the weekend before and that was great! Last week was.. I don't know? Just kidda there. And OH... I want to give a HUGE Happy Late Birthday to my dear friend Lauren! She turned 29 last Wednesday. And she's lost 24 lbs. I'm so proud of YOU!! I said Happy Birthday when we went in, but it needs to be said again!

Plus last week I was consumed with helping out a sweet, dear teenage girl from our old church back home. Still talking with her, so pray for that situation. God knows the need.

Sophie went to the ENT last Wednesday and she will have to get tubes and her adenoids removed the last Friday of the month. My poor baby has to have surgery! But, I pray this will help her not have so many ear infections and her hearing should improve too! (then she won't have any excuses as to not hear me! LOL!)

I've also been planning Levi's first birthday. I can't believe my little man is already going to be ONE! If feels like I just had him, so very tiny in my arms at the hospital. Oh how they grow so fast!

So..I finally got a minute to catch up my blog. In light of planning my son's birthday party, I felt the urge.. or I should say.. had the thought, that I needed to invite my dad's side of the family. I have 2 cousins about my age. One doesn't live here though, but the other one still does. She has 3 boys. Then my aunt, my dad's sister. And finally my dad's brother and wife. Not to go into details but we don't get together with my dad's family anymore. It started after my mamaw died almost 12 years ago and after my papaw died 2 yrs ago that finished it off. There was a feud, fight, and serious nastiness over my papaw's estate. Mainly between my father and aunt. So, long story short, my father wants nothing to do with his family.. which is my family. Now, for those of you that don't know, my father is not a christian. No one on his side of the family is a christian. My papaw died, to my knowledge, not having the Lord and it broke my heart. So, the closest thing to any type of Jesus that family has is me, my mom, and my aunt who is married to my dad's brother. That's it! And now we don't see them anymore. How are they going to see an example? How are they going to see the love of God really displayed? Will they get it from the work place? I pray so... Will they get it from a neighbor? I don't know? But, last night the question popped in my head. Why don't you invite your cousin, aunt and uncle to Levi's party?

Now.. my father has forbidden the names of the above to be mentioned in his presence and if something happens to where it cannot be helped, he proceeds to get very angry and rant and rave. So, I'm thinking.. well this could be a problem considering the situation. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew it was what I need to do. If I have the opportunity to reach out to my own family and show them love and compassion then I have to do that. Something so simple as a birthday invitation could show them I may be my father's daughter, but I am a child of the heavenly Father first. I don't agree with how some of the things went down, but I forgive you and I love you! What will this simple act say to them? They probably won't come because of everything, but at least they will know I was thinking of them. Trying to reach out.

So, today my heart began to waver as I began to realize I would have to tell my father what I was doing before the party. Maybe inviting them would be disrespecting him? (even though I don't agree with him) But the more I kept thinking about it I just knew it was the right thing to do. When Levi was just about 2 months old we came home so the rest of the family could see him. The Lord spoke to me and told me to stop by my cousin's house that weekend, so she could see him too. When I pulled up, I noticed my aunt was there too. My cousin was so excited that I had stopped to show them the baby I really thought she was going to cry! Before I left I hugged both their necks and told them I loved them. That has stuck with me and come back to my mind so many times. My mother told me later that my cousin had spoken to my other aunt and was telling her that I had stopped by to show them the baby. My aunt told my mom how my cousin could barely tell her because she almost cried again! What does that say? A LOT! What if I hadn't followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit? So, I know I must invite them. But just to make sure I heard it loud and clear, today during my book reading time the Lord spoke again. Anne was telling a story about a man she witnessed to, and this was the exact words she used:
"..that his obedience to his heavenly Father took priority over his earthly father.."

Whoa! It doesn't get much clearer than that! So, please pray for me as I seek God's guidance and wisdom about this. I need his wisdom to know the right words, God's words, to speak to my father when I call him and talk to him. I pray that maybe by me trying to reach out to estranged family and show them forgiveness, mercy, and most importantly love, that it will get my father to thinking more about his relationship with the Lord and how he needs one! Maybe this will start an opening to the anger and darkness he has in his heart right now. Just the smallest crack, but God can get his light through the smallest holes!

Please use me, give me wisdom and words. May this be all for you and your glory. May my father, aunt, uncle, cousin and all my extended family see Jesus and not Brandy. May they say.."wow, something is different about her. She's changed and I want to know more about that change!" Please use this vessel for your will, your kingdom work!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Busy, but good

This weekend we went home to visit family and friends. It was busy, fast and a little hectic but it was also good. Charlie didn't get in until about 4:00 Friday pm and then we got up early Sat and took off for the big KY. We dropped our cat off to donate to someone else(long story I'll tell another time), came back to visit with my parents for a bit. Then went to his parents. Left the kiddo's with Chet and Linda and went to meet Zack and Lauren for dinner. That was great! We ate at Cheddar's and it was tastey! Cape doesn't have one, so we were excited to try something new. We had some really great fellowship with our friends who still haven't come up to visit us sense we've moved here, even though they keep saying they're coming..... LOL!! (you guys knew it was coming)
Then we went to our old, will always be our home church on Sunday, ate lunch and headed back home. Charlie left at about 8:30 this am for OK. CRAZY!! I LOVE YOU baby for all you do for this family!

Ok.. so I really don't have a new church update because we weren't here to go to a new church. This Sat. we will visit La Croix again and continue to see how that goes and if God lays this church on our hearts. I'm not sure if we will go to our current church Sun or not? We haven't discussed that yet?

I have felt very close to the Lord this past week and weekend. Sometimes it's like that, isn't it? We feel Him everywhere. He's right there with us! And other times it's like He's a million miles away. It's those times we really need to buckle down and just walk it out. Keep going even when we don't feel anything, hear anything, see anything. That's FAITH! That's were the rubber meets the road. That's getting down to the basis of where you are as a Christian and how you handle the voice of God. Sometimes He's very quiet. I have really felt pressed lately to be more still. Be quiet and know He's God. Be soft and listen for the voice. I pray that I'm growing from this and this will strengthen me. It is in the good times of our live we really need to press into God and soak up as much as we can. Because when the drought comes, and they always do, we have to use our reserves. We have to hang on, sometimes with a death grip just for a small bit of peace. If we don't fill our tanks when the good times come, how will we have the strength, the faith and the knowledge to do it when the valleys are long and dark. When we are scared out of our minds? We have to learn and study and get the word in us when we're on the mountain, to be able to face the valleys! If not, we will never survive!

Thank you Lord for your word and for what it does to us and for us! May we all be challenged, including myself, to take our bible study to the next level! Open our minds to understand all you have for us in those Holy pages!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

So we begin..

Charlie let the praise team leader know yesterday that he will be stepping down. I spoke with my friend and told her I would not be able to help out with the children's ministry. Everything went just fine. I feel a peace as we begin again our journey to finding a church home. We will transition slowly as to ease the girls into it. I know it will be hard for them. They have made some good friends at our current church. But I know God will help us and them too. So we will continue to go to Christ Church some and slip out some Sunday's to visit. I pray the Lord shows us our home quickly, but as long as it takes.

I was speaking to my friend Lauren(who I get to see this weekend!! YEAH!) about God's timing. I have learned so much over these past couple of years to really trust God's timing. But sometimes that is VERY hard for me. I can be an extremely impatient woman. (no comments from my husband please. LOL!) But at the same time I am very excited. I'm trusting and believing that God will send us to a church where we both can be used for His kingdom. I would love to get back to singing or drama or both. I adore watching my husband play drums, it so blesses my heart. I know he must continue. So, we will continue to pray, follow and trust. Isn't that all we really can do as true followers of Christ. Those truly seeking His heart and will. We must be persistent. We must not stop, stray or fall of the wagon. We have to search Him out like a lost treasure. Something of our greatest desire. Passion. We must have passion. The kind of passion that our Jesus had that lead Him to the cross. That same passion must be within us to ultimately lead us to the foot of the cross. Humbly bow, seeking the right path.

Thank you Lord for showing us this first step. Thank you Lord for beginning to open doors. Please lead us to them that we may stay on path, on track, on focus of You!

Sunday, February 14, 2010


AAHH!! The day of LOVE! I love Valentine's Day. My darling husband sent me a dozen roses. Six pink and six red. They were beautiful! He also sent the girls their first red rose! It was so sweet. They just loved it! I had reservations for the two of us at the Melting Pot in St. Louis. Charlie had no idea what we were doing so it was really fun. That is our first trip to the Melting Pot and let me just say... WOW!!! If you ever get a chance to go I HIGHLY recommend it. A bit pricey, defiantly reserved for special occasions, but boy was it AWESOME. The food tastes where just indescribable. We serve a great God who gives us such goodness on this earth! He has made for us some amazing food and herbs. For my Owensboro friends, there is one in Nashville so enjoy if you can! (if you haven't already)

We have our answer. It did not come as I thought it would. God works, but not in ways we think He will or sometimes wish He would! I kept waiting for a word, a phone call from a friend or my mom telling me something that I would go... OK! There it is! Nothing like that happened. The only thing that did happen was a reflection in my mind and heart about everything Charlie and I had already talked about and all the bible research we had done. Everything we were feeling came back to me. So on the way to St. Louis Saturday, I asked Charlie what he thought and if the Lord had spoken to him. He was like... NO, I didn't really get this awe struck answer. All week I just kept reflecting about the conversations, the research and how we were feeling. So immediately I knew!! I told him I had done the same thing! That was confirmation! God is so awesome to us! He does hear and he will answer if we are willing to truly seek him!

So, we will be finding a new home church. It will not be easy, so please pray for us as we begin the transition. Please pray the Lord leads us to a church, especially were we can be used! I really feel and believe God is already opening doors for us that we don't even know yet. Charlie and I want to desperately be in His will, so we will seek Him daily in prayer to make sure we end up where He wants and needs us.

I leave you all with the most awesome Valentine the world has ever known.

"Greater Love has no man that this, that a man lay down his life for his friends"

"For God so LOVED the world, that he have his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Happy Valentines Day!!

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Prayer can be a scary thing sometimes. If we don't hear for God does that mean there are things in our lives that need to be adjusted so we can be more in tune with Him? Or is it just His way of telling us to be patient and trust Him?

I believe most of the time it may be we do all the talking and not enough listening. That is what I am working on. Being still and quiet. Listening for God. It is really new and something I really don't understand right now, but I'm hoping over time it will become more clear to me how to really "HEAR" from God. That is my desire. To be so in tune with Him that we talk. Seriously talk.

I talk.. then he talks. He tells me what his burdens are so I can be a greater impact for Him. I think this week that one has struck me the most. Asking God what burdens Him so we can also feel that burden and in turn become even more effective for the kingdom. For if we know and understand what breaks the heart of God, we will be one step closer to helping in ways we never dreamed we could.

May this be our new prayer. Open our eyes. Speak to our souls and tell us Your burdens. The burdens you have for your people, families, children, nations. Jesus calls us a friend. A FRIEND! When you know a friend has a burden, you want to help. You want to try and take away as much of that burden as possible don't you? That's part of being a good friend. Sometimes I think we take God's friendship as a one way street. We dump all our stuff on Him, asking for fixes but never stop to ask or consider what's going on with Him. If our earthly friends treated us like that, I dare say they would not be friends for very long. It would become extremely burdensome!

So.. with all the "dumping" going on and very little helping skyward, I KNOW God has some pretty big burdens. They are named all through out the bible and I know things haven't changed in God's heart. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Inquire of God's burdens. How can we help? What can we do Lord? I love that song... Give me your eyes so I can see.. Give me your love for humanity. Give me a heart for the broken hearted. If we know what breaks the Lords heart, we are that much closer to truly knowing our Saviour!! And isn't that what we as Christians are trying to do. TRULY KNOW our Saviour! I pray that's what we all are seeking!

Lord forgive me! I'm probably one of the biggest "dumpers" out there! Forgive my selfish heart. Make me known to Your burdens that I may be the most effective woman of the Most High God that I can be! Help me and show me how to be a better friend to You!
I Love You!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Oh my goodness!! I totally forgot to mention that today is my little brother's 30th birthday!! Wow.. that makes me feel old! LOL! My little bro is 30. I told him "welcome the the 30-something club" It's not as bad as some people say. Actually I've kinda liked it so far. A lot better than my crazy, messed up teens and my even stupider (yes it is a word) 20's.

I'll take my 30's proudly!!

SO.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY little bro!! I love ya-- you scrub!!

Being Specific

It's been a couple of days since my last entry. A lot has been on my mind and heart. We still don't have an answer, but I'm believing and praying for an answer by the end of the week. I was reading in my book again, continuing my Magnificent Obsession, when it came to a part about God's will and how to seek it. She was like.. "have you prayed and read your bible and still don't know what to do?" I'm like... "YESSSS!!" So, she went on to give 4 "runway lights" that she goes by to know if she is in the will of God. They are as follows:
  • practical circumstances
  • the counsel of mature, godly people
  • inner conviction
  • the confirmation of God's word
So, when all these lights begin to line up then she knows she's in the will of God! So.... me and Charlie's inner conviction light has been on for some time. So, I believe what we are feeling is correct according to God's will. Anne went on to talk about a decision she was trying to make and wasn't really hearing from God and how she began to pray VERY specific.

So, Charlie and I have agreed to pray this week for an answer by the end of this week. A word, a song, something we see or hear or read. Anything that says, "yes.. you stay" or "no.. you go" Then we will know what to do and how to go from there. I'm really excited and have felt better this week. Nothing yet, but it's only Wednesday and I know the Lord will reveal His will for us. We just want to get it right!

Dear Heavenly Father
I come to you again in request for a confirmed answer, confirmation about what we are supposed to do. We need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we need to leave or stay. We need to know what your will is for this family. I pray for a specific answer. A "yes go" or "yes stay" by the end of the week. Give us a word, a sign that we may know how to continue on this journey. I thank you for your love and caring for us.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Well, this weekend has been both good and confusing. So much so I have felt the sting of tears behind my eyes. Sat. night we went to the church we've been visiting to hear the guest speaker finish up the MADE series. His name was Michael Franzese and he was a former high ranking boss in the New York mafia. He gave his testimony about how God changed him, saved him, and is still protecting him because no one has ever left the mafia and lived! It was an awesome service. I bought his book so I'll fill you in once I read it.

So, today we go to our church. Charlie had to play this morning. I already told you how I got a call from my friend asking to help out with the children's ministry. Then today the head of the nursery asked if I could help them. Then Charlie tells me after church about the praise leader telling him what an awesome job he does and what a gift he has and how much he appreciates his drumming and how he can just flow with the Holy Spirit.

My head and my heart hurt! Is this the Lord telling us to hang in there and stick it out. But what about the things we don't agree with? They are some pretty major things. I do know that wherever we go or whatever we do, Charlie needs to play. If you could see him play you would know why I say that. It is so moving, so awesome. This is his gift, his calling. I know he is scared. Scared because he wants to play so badly, we have a church where he's appreciated and needed, and will we find a place for him elsewhere? I know he's scared to move!! That's what I felt today watching him worship on that platform. That was my cry! Lord.. You have to open a door if we are to go, because he is scared to move!!! He LOVES playing. It is his passion. And I would gladly place my talents on hold and place him ahead of me! So, I'm asking for some serious prayer this week. To know what this all means? To know if we are to stay or go?? And if we are to wait for awhile, do I go ahead and serve?

I cry out Lord, on my knees. Face down and humbled. What do we do? Things feel like they are coming to a head! We haven't been going to this new church long enough to know if there is a place for Charlie. And we haven't really heard from heaven to know if we are supposed to be there either. We are crying out to you Lord for guidance. We want nothing more than your will for our lives and family! PLEASE hear us and help us to know what to do. Please make it crystal clear so we will not miss.
Your humble servants

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Tired today

So I got NOTHING done yesterday due to my baby boy not feeling good. All he wanted was "mama". I think he is trying to cut more teeth and he was very needy.

That's partly how I feel. Tired and needy. I need to know what to do about church. Charlie and I both do. He is currently playing drums for the praise team. Him and another guy trade off Sundays. So, there is a lot of connection there that will have to be broken. Then I got a phone call this week from one of our friends from the church asking if I would help out with the children's ministry as her and her husband(who is the other drummer btw) are taking over the program.

Ok.. so about the time Charlie and I decide and feel like we need to "relocate", I get a phone call that indicates an area of needed help. Is this the start of my purpose? I still really don't think so. Not in this church anyway, but it seems the pressure is on to start moving out. But where??

So now lets talk about confirmation! This is the fun and cool part of how God works! So, we have been visiting a church on Sat. evenings that we really like and the pastor has been preaching a sermon series called MADE. He is discussing how God shapes people and molds them for greatness and service. He has spoken on Joseph, Paul, and King David. (we missed one service due to a birthday party)

Joseph was fashioned in the dungeons of Egypt. Paul after his encounter on the road to Damascus went into the wilderness (asia) for 3 years to be alone and pull everything together. To be silent and figure out God's calling for his life. And David was faithful in the small things. Tending the sheep and protecting them from predators. God was molding him with the small things until he was ready for the big things. So Zack, your words about King David... almost exactly what the preacher was teaching! Confirmation. Anne Graham Lotz talks about Joseph in her book and how Joseph would have never chosen the prison, but God knew he needed that time. Confirmation!! I'm waiting for Paul to pop up somewhere, but so far it's given me chills to know my God thinks so much of me to reassure this little house wife that I am not forgotten. I am precious and He is making a path for me. I have grown in my faith since I've been at home. I have studied more and looked deeper into God's word than ever before. I have begun to memorize scriptures. Hiding the word in my heart, that I might not sin against my awesome God!! I have felt a closeness that at times, it seems He is sitting right next to me when I pray.

So Lord, I pray now as I continue to walk out my faith that I grow, gain understanding, and increase my faith. I don't know what You have in store for my future, but I know You hold it all in Your hands. May this time of solitude create in me a masterpiece that one day You shall reveal to the world. All for Your glory! All for Your kingdom! Thy will be done in my life!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My endless landscape

Ok.. so my desert has gotten so big I feel as though I'm in the middle looking around to endless sand for miles and miles. One of the reasons I feel like I'm just hanging out for God is we are starting to look for a new church. AGAIN!! Not pleasant, and I'm really feeling down, confused and upset about it. That has been the hardest thing about moving here is finding a church. Our current church we have attended for about a year now, and I really thought this was going to be it.
However... it has started to shift in a direction that I don't believe fits this family. I don't feel as if we are to "shift" with it. So, I've been praying. And Charlie's been praying and we've got.... NOTHING!

I don't like silence. It's so deafening, isn't it? It would be so great if when you came to God with a problem or needing guidance he would just say.. "Thy and thy people shall go to this church.." But as we know, it doesn't work like that.

So, I'm reading today in my book (Anne Lotz) and the book is about Abraham. And she's talking about Abraham asking God for a sign to know God's promise about his future seed is true. God told Abraham to make a sacrifice, Abraham did, and then he waited. And waited... all day. Until the Lord came to him and confirmed his word.

So.. I have asked, and prayed, and sought His face. And I will continue to pray and ask and seek His face. And wait.. Until I have my confirmation as to what we are to do. Where are we to go? I want a HOME church so badly. So does Charlie. We want a place where we can be used. Where us and the children will grow in our faith. Be strengthened and renewed.

So Lord God.. I am asking again for your wisdom to know where we are to be. Where we are to serve and worship. A place that feels like family. A place where we can be used for the kingdom. A place you have for us. And I am waiting.. like your servant Abraham.. I am waiting.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Starting off..

OK.. just got done reading my friend's Lauren's blog and now I'm inspired to start one of my own. I love the idea of it. Almost like a prayer journal. Ok, so I chose the title of the blog because that is how I'm feeling and the quote came from Anne Graham Lots new book "Magnificent Obsession" that I am reading. (which everyone needs to pick up and ready by the way!!)

So, after being in the work force since the age of 18, I am now a 33 year old stay at home mom to a 9 year old daughter, a 5 year old daughter and a 10 month old baby boy. I'm not doing anything in the current church we are attending and I feel like I'm just "hanging out". I don't know my place in God's kingdom or His plan. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing? I don't understand my purpose right now?

So.. the quote. "wasting my wilderness years". Anne talks about the same thing in her book(stay at home mom, not sure about her call from God) when her mother told her not to "waste her wilderness years" In other words... take this time of break to study.. grow.. learn.. draw closer to the Lord then ever before so when your time comes, and that call comes, you will be ready.

This is my blog.. my journey through the wilderness. My time of waiting and preparing. And so I will write my thoughts, my struggles and achievements. I will write and hopefully see myself grow in my faith and relationship with God. So, when I get my call. When I hear that voice say.. "I need you and it is your time" I will be ready.

So.. here we go!!